I quit my job~

Okay so I thought “take a break, see if the writing and their emails posted on line might have made things worse” NOT!!!!!

Life just sucks around here.

This month is the anniversary of my employment here at the motel. 6 years

It’s the 34th year anniversary of my husband and I meeting. The month we decided hey we want to spend the rest of our lives together.

It is also what would have been our 31st wedding anniversary.

Let’s starting with the shortest anniversary.

My job sucks, the manager is hateful, after hanging in there for all these years I have had enough. I gave my 2 week notice. The manager pops off with I should have let you go awhile back. Owner says I’m not going anywhere. I am the most reliable employee he has ever had. Everyone makes mistakes and he said he pointed that out to the manager. I knew for sure I had to leave March 30th. An employee meeting from hell. Guest call wanting to speak to me. They say they will wait until they can. Why is that my fault? She said she was sick of hearing my name. She accused me of changing rates and that guest said I was doing so. My response ” Did you go back and look it up?” Guess not. We were told at the meeting there would be no fucking questions and she would be the only one talking. She was angry that I assured a guest that we were concerned for their safety ( seedy motel across the street sends their guest to our breakfast.) Manager was hoping to convert a conference room to do so, room key or lobby entrance only. I am going to be written up for discussing motel business. I am accused of damaging a relationship with someone we both know, I am informed that I am being demoted. Told her fine, came with no raise or authority and was in name only ( she hit me with that one another time she was angry) I let her know I didn’t wear the name tag anyway as I knew that. My fellow peers refer to me as her punching bag. we have a love hate I am the boss relationship. My health can’t take anymore, doctors yelling I should have quit long ago. I know that, but who was going to pay the health insurance I had to go to work to help pay???????

So I am quitting my job. I am terrified!! I do not have a job in the hole!! Well maybe, but not sure. She has informed the 3 of us that have given notice we cant l leave until there is a trained replacement  Damn I told her I would not leave her in a lurch and extended my notice to 3 weeks. Another relationship and anniversary in the toilet


Happy birthday to the both of you~ more of their emails….

From: pez @gmail.com>
Date: Sun, Dec 28, 2008 at 2:24 PM
To: him@gmail.com>

Happy belated birthday by the way.  I forgot to say that yesterday!  I like the goatee!!!!!  It looks great 😉  You look younger with it I think and it’s very cute 🙂  Couldn’t really say that at church.  So you must be over me now, huh?  You’re not talking to me anymore.  That’s okay.  I understand.  I had fun watching you watch the play today.  You looked like you were really enjoying yourself.  I had fun watching (our son)…Wow!  He was really belting it out, huh?  Well, after church I felt all lonely and stuff.  I hate this whole separating of the crowds that we caused 😦  I really wanted to go with you guys…..but that wouldn’t be so great.  You don’t have to answer or respond to me.  I just wanted to say hi. Hope job searching and finances are working out for you….I will continue to pray for you.
Okay, well hasta la pasta!

From: himgmail.com>
Date: Mon, Dec 29, 2008 at 9:39 AM
To: pez <@gmail.com>

Hey Silly,
You did say Happy Birthday at church yesterday. You know some people like the hairy face thing, but others aren’t sure what to think. I kinda like doing something different after all these years. You never know what will be next…shaved head or something. What do you mean I’m not talking to you anymore. I still am didn’t get much of a chance yesterday. You were watching, huh. How could you see from where you were sitting. There were to many people in the way. Yes, I did enjoy the choir thing. Each year our son is becoming more confident in his abilities. Jeff is threatening to move him to the bass section. Son does’t like the idea of moving down with Neil K. and Ed G. He doesn’t think he would have as much fun.
You know this retirement thing is kinda boring. I need to find something to keep busy. Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are winter camp at the church, so wife and son will not be around much. Oh well, guess I’ll just hang out.
Just for info. Wife didn’t question the amount of time I was away the other day when we met. We all went shopping when I got home. Did all my shopping in fifteen minutes. Pre-planning is the only way to go.

From: him@gmail.com>
Date: Tue, Dec 30, 2008 at 2:56 PM
To: pez <@gmail.com>

Call me at home around 630 tonight   (bastard had her call our home!!!!!!!)

Lets talk at church, or else where, hey aren’t you with your husband?

From: Ms. Pez <amber@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Dec 19, 2008 at 6:43 PM

These messages were sent while you were offline.
6:43 PM amber: Fine, then I won’t see you Wednesday. Sorry you’re not okay. Hope you can still get a job at the hospital. If I get an email explaining what happened, then that’s great. If you don’t want to talk weds then I guess I won’t talk to you.

From: Quai <husband@gmail.com>
Date: Sat, Dec 20, 2008 at 3:50 AM
To: “Ms. Pez” <amber@gmail.com>

So that is how it is, huh? Yes, I want to talk, but I don’t want restrictions.

From: Husband@gmail.com>
Date: Sat, Dec 20, 2008 at 4:07 AM
To: “Ms. Pez” <Amber@gmail.com>

Where are you accessing your email. I thought you were going to Kalaloch. The anniversary trip with her husband
What happened to what you said in your earlier chat:
Pez: i love you and good luck
byePez: kiss
Makes me wonder!!!!!!!!!!!!

From: Husband@gmail.com>
Date: Sat, Dec 20, 2008 at 4:08 AM
To: “Ms. Pez” <@gmail.com>

This is one of those cases where we need to talk in person, or somebody is going to say something to make us both angry.
From: Husband@gmail.com>
Date: Sat, Dec 20, 2008 at 4:20 AM
To: “Ms. Pez” <@gmail.com>

4:18 am and I cannot sleep. How are you sleeping?

From: husband@gmail.com>
Date: Sat, Dec 20, 2008 at 5:51 AM
To: “Ms. Pez” <@gmail.com>

Wednesday is Christmas Eve thus I do not believe youth or chior will be happening. Since I no longer have to go to work, maybe I can get away on another day. Let me know what works for you.



Share these, don’t share those, why not these..emailing~ emailing~ emailing….


the  PD dept is on to them and wants to see his emails, 70 cell phone calls I guess has them suspicious? Here does a career, he still thought he would be ok. It amazed me the thinking process of how to get away with what your doing and no thought to the others around them. They figure that the fall out is behind them, let everyone recover and sooner or later they will quit.

From: Ms. Pez whore@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Dec 19, 2008 at 11:00 AM
To: husband@gmail.com

10:26 AM me: hit
10:27 AM Amber: ho
  hold on a sec
 me: ok
Amber: ok
10:28 AM me: what’s up
Amber: nothing
  just entering checks and Bruce walked in
 me: I could use one
Amber: ha
  so you’re showing them this email address?
  why don’t you show them your husband@yahoo.com?
10:29 AM me: No, not if I can help it
  That one I might
Amber: yeah
  just check it out first though
 me: will do
Amber: because my letter back to you was kinda mean
  they might get the wrong idea
 me: Yes it was
Amber: ifyaknowwhatimean
 me: nice butt by the way
10:30 AM Amber: thanks
  i did that only for you
  and it’s just never enough is it?
  you still want more
  you’ve already seen the other side,

  ?   She sent him, for his birthday a nude photo of herself, from the back showing off that infamous butt that was part of the start of all this……she took the photo also….Soo 


6 minutes
10:36 AM me: back
Amber: k
10:37 AM me: Someone came into the room
Amber: figured
  everything ok?
 me: Yep
Amber: cool
 me: No it is cold out. Look outside
Amber: what do you mean you might have to show them this address?
10:38 AM me: I thought I’d share your photo. Then they would know why I’m crazy…hahahaha
10:39 AM her: yeah baby
 me: Did you answer my nice butt comment
Amber: ok but seriously,,,what do you mean?
  about might have to show them?
10:40 AM me: I did say thanks by the way
  I’ll pee while you’re writing
 me: They wanted to see my other personal email accounts to convince them there is no appearance of wrong doing.
Amber: back
10:41 AM how will this help?
 me: Well I don’t know if it would, because they will just claim I deleted emails
10:42 AM Amber: exactly
  and it’s none of their damn business
  what you do in your personal email life
 me: That is truce
  that is true
Amber: that has nothing to do with your job
  it’s only on duty
 me: True again
Amber: that has anything to do with your job
  please don’t share this with them
  have you already deleted everything?
10:43 AM me: Not yet, but if I share there will be nothing but good emails
Amber: ok
  will you do me a favor then?
 me: sure
10:44 AM Amber: Will you be able to send me copies of the emails we shared
  everything before I sent that one from my mom?
  because I deleted them all
 me: sure
Amber: hold on
10:45 AM Amber:because I want copies
 me: I don’t know how to forward
10:46 AM her: if you click on the emails, you should be able to just hit “forward”
  I don’t know if you can do them in bulk though
 me: Tried that
Amber: didn’t work?
10:47 AM me: Found out how
Amber: cool!
  in bulk?
10:49 AM Amber:got that one
10:50 AM Amber:hey got an idea!
 me: go ahead
Amber: after you get done sending me those
  you can delete everything AFTER that email from rebmajo on your end
  and then it looks like we’re done
10:51 AM Amber:herro?
  no likee my ideaee?
 me: I already did that
Amber: already did?
  you’re a smart
10:52 AMAmber: so isn’t there ALOT more that was before my email change episode with my mom?
10:53 AM me: I am fixing things
Amber: k

6 minutes
10:59 AM me: getting all
11:00 AM Amber: yes thanks
 me: if you see something that needs to go let me know
Amber: well
  they aren’t anything i really want anyone to know
  but go ahead and send them if there’s more

From: Ms. Pez <whore@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Dec 19, 2008 at 11:01 AM
To: husband@gmail.com

These messages were sent while you were offline.
11:01 AM Amber: why don’t you just show them your yahoo

From: Ms. Pez <whore@gmail.com>
Date: Fri, Dec 19, 2008 at 11:29 AM
To: husbandgmail.com

11:29 AM me: what time are you leaving today
Amber: probably around 5pm
  for Kalaloch?  She’s heading out for a weekend with her husband for an anniversary or her birthday don’t recall which, she sent him photos her husband took
11:30 AM me: I will sign on at about 4 if I’m done and let you know what happens
  gotta go.
  see ya
Amber: ok
  well i’ll probably leave the office at 4pm
 me: I will tell them that I do not have your permission to share emails
11:31 AM her: but I’ll go to my dad’s if I have time  when not at work this is where she uses the computer
  sounds good
 me: bye
Amber: i love you and good luck
 me: Thanks
Amber: kiss
 me: kiss
Amber: 🙂

Maybe because of their fucking anniversary

I am finding that I’m not sleeping well right now. And have been sick to my stomach. last weekend or rather days off, I was down with a migraine. I know the blogging is effecting my health at the moment, but I have to get it down. The sickness in my stomach is the rereading of the emails they had going back and forth. I only ended up with fifty? as the whore’s mother found out and demanded whores password. They were to stop emailing immediately!! Dumb shit, you just get an another account. The comments whore makes about me, the comments he could have defended in some way, he did not. I saw  what I perceive is the detachment with me. He said he just ignored them. Maybe so, he spent so much time with his endearments for her, of which he never was one for, left an empty drawer in my heart they have always been humorous. His card’s- always cute and loving in their way, conversations with me and our interactions. I simply figured he was not the type to use the passionate words and endearments. He will rip the very heart out of me with his “sweethearts” he will use for the whore in their emails.

I will be posting their emails. Maybe if I get them out in the world although hidden in a way, they are out there. ease some of the secret pain. This entire horror is still hidden in so many ways, it was a need to know basis only and those whom we chose to share it with. Both at home, church and even among most our family and still a few friends. It was months down the road in  one of our battles yelling our son hears what’s going on. My sons superhero is brought down by an evil villain, comic book it is not tho. My son will actually look at me and say well there not together now mom. He did not know the whole story yet. A Christian woman? Maybe I never really was.I don’t even know where my faith went, I know I had to give up every ministry I had, how do you teach when your not sure what you believe any more, when you can’t breath. Satan became a battle directly in front of my face, my home, my church, every facet of my life? I was in no shape to teach. I’m ashamed, I know, I read so much of it was not my fault, it actually had nothing to do with me, with my sexuality and even as a wife. But that does not make it so in my heart and mind.

I came ever so close to taking my life, I sat there with the gun in my lap, after thirty years handling guns, I could not figure out the safety on my husbands gun, maybe through the tears, the sobbing I just could not see it. Then figure out where outside, I had seen what messes a gun suicide leaves behind. Somewhere my son won’t find me.  My doctor says the love I have for the two of my guys stopped me. I know he came in took the gun from beside me and put it away. I told him he’s lucky I couldn’t figure out his safety. I also could not find my gun, it was not where we usually stored them. They are at his mothers for now. And I figure since whore got a brand new car and piano keyboard weeks after the revelation, I would not give whore my life.

I would send whore my blog by email were it not for the personal information I posted about my past. If I could scrub those out even if to return them later I would. They were about me getting some of who I was, who I am, what has happened to me written down, for me, as I don’t know who I am any longer. The relationship with my son is not what it should be, what happens to him the direction he goes, the destruction left in his path, a person I don’t know. As for being a wife, I feel shredded.

I feel as if a large bear had attacked me and torn the very skin off me, shaking me by my head that it holds in a vice grip, seeking out my heart. A predator animal that kills, seeks, takes from another what it want’s, smells. Leaving a wake of trash and death in it’s path. Most of the encounters result in death or an injured animal, with wounds that will not or can not heal. They die as a results of their wounds. They are the looser, not the victor of the battle.  Well it did attack me and everything dear to my like baby cubs,  this bear was a whore.

Maybe it’s the 6 anniversary of their having fucked at the tail end of the waning relationship. Did they have to take it that far, that was all I was holding on too, all I had left . It will be months down the road before I find this out.  He wanted to keep it going from what I can tell. Supposedly their last encounter.  Is it offensive to anyone else in talking or writing , we refer to the ass-holes as they , them,  like they were a couple? Adulterers sounds too nice. I’ll let my body slow down for a bit here and then write more, stay away from the emails for right now until its actually time to post them. I’ll blog about those up comng days until then.